Communication between any 2 persons is the crux to the health of their relationship. Therefore, it is important to observe good communication if you want to have and maintain a good relationship. The same applies to your spouse, whom you will spend the rest of your life with everyday. Without mastering the effectiveness of how to communicate well with your partner may put your relationship on the rock.
Communication failure occurs when one person feels that they are not understood. How many times do you react when a love one doesn't understand you? We want to be understood....we want to know that our husband or wife, friend, or loved one understands us. And when we don't feel understood, we react, whether silently, verbally, or with action. Usually those reactions are negative and feed into the cycle of breakdown. But consider this: of all the times you focused on not being understood, how often have you tried to understand the other person? It often doesn't occur to us in an argument that our loved one is also trying to be understood just like us. Clearly, if we sought more to understand, rather than always seeking to be understood, a lot of arguing would cease and we would find that the cycle of endless hurt is broken.
Communicating effectively with each other in a relationship does not come naturally! It may seem that way in the beginning, but as all couples know, once that honeymoon phase is over, the real challenge begins. It is dangerous to simply think that you can communicate effectively with your spouse on your own. Only through a joint commitment to build communication can greater understanding be reached. It is indeed a skill, and you will need to practice it in this journey of life...perhaps many times, but the good news is that anyone can learn it!
Why is communicating so difficult?
For the most part, communication breaks down when people fail to adequately say what and how they feel in a non-threatening manner. If we were all completely honest, which of course means being vulnerable, the majority of arguments and conflicts would not occur. As children, we go through experiences, good and bad, that ultimately affect how we communicate in the future. The term emotional baggage is often used to describe these attitudes we carry forward. If, for example, you grew up in a household with an angry parent that everyone constantly tried to avoid or soothe, you will likely carry this attitude into adulthood and when confrontation arises, whether real or perceived, you will either try to calm the situation or run from it. If your spouse says something you perceive to be heated, you will immediately revert back to this childhood memory and in turn, face your mate with your learned response. You will probably do whatever you can to avoid the subject and if your spouse, for instance, comes from a family where everyone accepts anger as a simple outpouring of emotion and nothing more, then the two of you may clash making resolution of issues a regular challenge.
There have been many books written on the subject of gender communication and most of them conclude that men and women truly do think and feel differently. Men communicate in order to relay information. In general, they tend to talk more about topic do not require discussing and relating to feelings and emotions. Men are highly competitive and proverbial problem solvers. Men will often talk to solve problems. Conversely, women typically communicate to connect with others. They would rather talk about people than things and they relay feelings quite readily. Women are more relationship oriented in their speech then men. While not impossible, these differences provide a challenge for us to relate effectively to each other.
Going into a relationship, we often have unrealistic expectations. Romantic novels and blockbuster movies with the stunning, self-sufficient heroine finally getting her perfect, caring, sympathetic man are nothing like the real world. And when we are shocked back to reality during our first communication breakdown, we can feel cheated, disappointed, and often angry. Hurt feelings lead to irrational behavior and blaming, which of course, leads to further communication problems and eventual relationship troubles.
So how can we have good communication problems?
1) Give your spouse attention. Since he or she is the most important person to you anyway, give full attention and listen. Express that thought that your partner’s importance is never forgotten. Opening up to each other is the only way to keep a relationship strong.
2) Don’t jump to conclusions or suspect intentions. No one likes that, it’s an unfair judgment, especially if you are completely wrong about the case. Listen attentively, and do not speak until you heard the whole story. Being impatient and frustrated surely does not help things.
3) Have frequent discussions on anything under the sun. Whether it’s an event, an important person, a good idea, anything, as moments shared will help build the bond.
4) Know when not to speak. For example, if you are not happy with the way he throws his clothes after a day’s work, do not just shoot off. Let him rest, then trust that he will pick them up later. It’s not wise to quarrel over trivia matter. Trust is the key ingredient of a perfect relationship.
5) Go out with each other regularly and spend some quality time. Date her! Write her a letter to ask her out as if it is your first time. Talk to each other and enjoy the company. Reminisce about old times; this will further increase your level in her heart.
6) Don’t be negative about anything or life, for that matter. Be less critical of things. Most people fall into this habit, most probably due to other people in their lives; such is the state of society today. We have become complainers, and it is a complainers’ society.
7) Show respect for your spouse, like you would respect everyone. Respect is something everyone needs, and it must be given in all situations, regardless of mood. If you like to be treated nicely, first learn how to treat people nicely.
Well I haven't been a good communicator and such but still I want to have a perfect relationship with my boyf and also hope everyone else does. True that PMS is not an excuse for you to flare up but girls are also tend to be more emotional and stuffs. Why do they flare up more than guys? Maybe cos' girls are more vulnerable. In this, guys will have to understand and try to prevent ways to not let a girl flare up or try to avoid things when a girl flare up. Not saying that guys do not have temper too. How can we let it come to a stand where both can understand each other real well when it comes to temper. No one likes to be scolded, no one likes to be treated like shit. True enough, but how can you understand to a term where actually the person don't mean it? Well, just sharing my thoughts cos' the boy and I have been going thru hell lots of communication problem and I really hope that both of us will come to a way that we both understand real well.
Baby we are fine now, and I hope the both of us can really understand real well and don't have communication problem. I really missed the times where we both treat each other real good. Please understand me, when I complain and all about how bad my life is and such or complain about others. I want you to know that, I want to complain to you I want to share with you everything, I want you to let you know how it feels when somethings happen. Like wise for you, I want you to share it with me too, and let me know how you feel and I don't want you to bottle up your feelings or find that you cannot share with me but rather you choose to share it with your friends than me. Yes, I understand sometimes your friends can understand better but utmost, I'm the one with you. So no matter what, or what happen you will always have me and I will be the one standing and fighting all situations together with you. I know we didn't have pleasant days these few days and miscommunications I want you to know that I will stand by you no matter what and I want you to do it too. Letting me know that even if I have no one I still have you. I love you.
